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I need to find closure but it’s proving to be a lot more difficult than I expected. Partly, I think, there are so many things going on in my life that losing you was not something I had anticipated.

With You

With you went so much of me
My head spins
My heart skips
Nothing works as it did
Gone with your amnesty

With you went so much of me
The ear to ear smile
That felt whole
A piece is missing
From the pain of this calamity

With you went so much of me
The soul of a woman
Unable to laugh
At the world around
Feelings of blasphemy

With you went so much of me
The part that felt
So understood
Revived from your love
Such fallacy

With you went so much of me
The juggling of hearts
Caught in despair
Needn’t fight in fear
Of rock hard jealousy

With you went so much of me
I can’t catch my breath
The good and bad
I accepted it all
So very happily

With you went so much of me
Now to say goodbye
To mean it
To let go
To face this tragedy

C, I sat at the waters edge the other day wanting to be in your arms. I got so close before I realized what I was doing. This poem sucks but it sums up how I feel about you and the ultimate loss of you.

There are so much things going on that I wish we could talk through. I know who we were and who we are now are totally different people. But we tailored each other so well. I don’t know what happened. I know we couldn’t work and that’s why you said goodbye. And that’s why you didn’t ask for anything in return when you helped me. But, that doesn’t take away how much I love you. And how much I miss you. I miss you, Lucas, so ardently. xoxo