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She slid into a world that was full of magic. In her land of wonder she saw things that were impossible. Like a white rabbit who knew how to tell time. A mad hatter who loved tea parties. A chimney sweeping lizard. A chunky monkey dodo bird wanting to burn a rabbit’s house down. It was a world to her so consuming and intoxicating. A place she knew not where to go but felt a high to wonder about the possibilities.

She was told that forever could be a second. So she took the time to be crazy. A good crazy. The kind where you laugh and smile and love. To live for the moment. To live for today. Tethered in a world of magic and make-believe, a world that brought her to be everything she is and was.

I am no Alice but I can relate to her.

I feel like I am being forced to climb back out of that rabbit hole. Forced to remove myself from the land of magic and fairy tales to the land of reality. Forced to plant my feet on solid ground versus flying through the air with pixie dust. Forced to be away from you for good. Like you wanted. Even though I now know you’re still an arms reach away.

Like Alice I have seen all of the possibilities. Being one or being more. Having a library with all the books I can possibly imagine or loving so completely that I’ve finally, for the first time in my life, felt whole. I have felt the consuming intoxication of my life being entangled with yours. Tethered in your arms watching the world in all its wonder in a way I’ve never never experienced. Flashes of colors I’ve never seen before, that could only be dreamt of, sparkling and dancing in meriment in front of me. The high of your life, the whispers of your promises, the caresses of your skin against mine. You asked me to remember, and I remember, every single day.

Like Alice I lived for the moment. Not knowing who I was, where I was, what I was I sought out a caterpillar in my life to show me the way. And like Alice I found one that was hot-tempered, confusing, a know it all. But, when you suffer an identity crisis sometimes the thing that we connect to is the first thing we can grab a hold of. And as I grabbed a hold of you I found myself. Maybe you helped, maybe you didn’t. Whatever the case may be, I found me.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where,” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“So long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

My body shakes trying to awaken from a dream. Alice walked away, unscathed but in wonderment. I, on the other hand, have danced with the devil and I have the scars to prove it. xoxo