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Within 15 hours y’all will be within a 10 mile radius of each other. Which scares me. How the hell are we doing this? Are we doing this? I don’t want anyone hurt but I don’t know if I can make everyone happy. My husband will always come first. Always. But after that? The relationships are so different. The thought of choosing one over the other terrifies me.

C you’ve been the up and down relationship that somehow keeps me wanting more. The conversations we have can’t really be said that it’s on an intellectual level and yet it is. We talk about politics, extinction, the supernatural, money, war, unicorns and love. Things can get heated but at the end of the day we both respect each other’s thoughts and opinions. You make fun of me in ways I want to kick you in your shin. And we share Addy. Her alone will bond us forever.

J you’re different in so many ways. The relationship that sparked the coming of age for me in a way. You taught me to accept me for who I am. It’s a storm when the two of us are together. It’s a tornado when you’re in my home. You bring a passion to my life that I can’t describe. And it’s not just a passion for you, but for life. I want to be better. Do better. See better. Think better. Love better. In a sense when I met you I found me. All of me. The me that is rising from the ashes to become the very best version of myself. And it has nothing to do with how intense the relationship is. It has everything to do with the fact that I am not easily understood and yet the novel that is me, written in a different language, you can interpret so incredibly majestically.

And yet I couldn’t choose either of you. And when the week starts with all of you so close I hope you know I love you all. But, it may be me. Shouldn’t it after all, always be what will make me the happiest? I don’t know if all of you so close will bring relief. It should. All of you equal different parts of me. You all make me whole. And yet, yet there’s a division coming. It has already started. I’ve felt it for a weeks now. I don’t know if I’ll be left standing.