Hello again. I don’t think I can really call you my past, can I? After all, you and I intertwine so easily in the present. But, it’s been different somehow. At first, let’s be honest, I was ready to hate you. Hate you for turning life upside down, again. But, it really is different.
Was it the words that I said to you?
Or is it the fact that it is a season of change?
Is it bad I am scared to hold my breath?
It has been a whirlwind of emotions. But, not the emotions it usually is. As you become a part of the past once more, I am not longing for the days of listening to the river as it hit the rocky shore. I am not sad to see you go, although I enjoyed the friendship while we danced in the present.
That was my favorite part about you past. I loved the dancing. I forgot how it was to actually be able to talk with you in a way that stemmed from respect of each other and wanting the best of each other. I was never good at keeping my guard up with you, about skirting subjects that brought more of old wounds and hurts. It was nice to know, Past, I didn’t need to. For the first time in forever, we were able to have no walls up. No wondering what it meant.
We are finally letting go and moving on.
Thank you, Past. For everything. I know there have been times that we fought and didn’t think we’d be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have said things to each other that wasn’t who we were. We have did things to each other that brought out the worst in the other. But, even through it all, Past, I found myself. During a time when I thought I was looking for love, what I was really looking for was a way to love myself. And you helped me accomplish that.
Sure, I have some ways to go. But, look at me. I’m standing on my two feet. I’m happy. I know what I want. I know how to get there. I have the faith in myself to get there. And I think, Past, that’s the part that I was missing. Do I still wander? Ya, but that’s me. At least I know where I’m wandering to. A family. The church. Children’s Ministry.
And you, Past? Lunch proved to be redemption of sorts. We have never prayed together, Past, and we did today. We prayed about forgiveness. We prayed about healing. We prayed about letting go. And I hope, caro, I hope you continue your walk. I hope that you find peace. I hope you realize that who you were in your past is not the same as you can be today.
I told myself I wasn’t strong enough because I couldn’t say no. Little did I know that I am strong enough because I have finally made my peace. So, Past, with all of my love and prayers. Goodbye, again. xoxo