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Something has to give. I can’t think. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t write. Not even the taste of alcohol can take away your words today. Or take away you. I should have been able to enjoy my day with my friends but you had to call. I had an appetite. And speaking with you caused me to lose it. How am I allowing you to have such a hold on me?

My heart and head are having a controversial debate on you. Try again? Okay. Try again? No way. You love her? Give it a shot. You love her? Let her go. I’ve never been good at this listening to my  head thing. But, it is the side I’ve taken right? It is the side that would make me the happiest. And yet, I still take your calls. I still answer your text. I still long to hear you say you love me.

Am I a fool? Pining over a girl that doesn’t accept me for who I am? For what I can offer? Am I a fool to continue to look in, wondering with pure curiosity the what ifs? You will resent me, my love. Why isn’t that enough for me to say no AND walk away? Why am I still looking over my shoulders?

I miss you. I’m tired of fighting. Remember when we could talk throughout the day and laugh about everything that was happening? I miss that. I miss us. I should have let you walk away. Was that night worth all this heartache? I need to let you go but I don’t know how.

I can’t breathe. xoxo

Can’t Breathe

I can’t breathe because
I’m consuming
The toxicity of your love.

I can’t breathe because
I’m craving
The tenderness of your touch.

I can’t breathe because
I’m longing
The sweet music of your laughter

I can’t breathe because
I’m dreaming
Of your tantalizing kisses on my body.

I can’t breathe because
I’m wanting
Everything you can’t offer me.

I want to breathe again.