, ,

We’ve not spoken a word of the elephant in the room. I can’t say I blame you for I know how you feel. I couldn’t have controlled the outcome no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t hide the secret as much as I left it unspoken. I even tried to change wordings and the way I spoke. I tried to make things light and happy so you thought I was okay. And then disaster happened. As it always does in my life. 

Words are left unspoken as I sit in the night. Hoping for a semblance of normalcy. Do I leave it? Drop it? Do I bring up the topic? What am I supposed to do? The disappointment is evident the moment it happened. There was nothing I could do to prevent it. And yet I could have prevented it. Over and over. Time and again. Caught in the winds of uncertainty and a hidden life. Always trying to sabotage what is good and well without consciously knowing it. 

The words have been left unspoken yet it hovers above. Do something. Say something. It’s getting heavier, a joust of pretend. I can’t pretend something else.